Some Antidotes To Lack Of Self-Confidence

SOME ANTIDOTES TO LACK OF SELF-CONFIDENCE

- Find the courage to really open your heart to someone; self-confidence is deeply related to trusting others. Our deepest secrets are often not as hidden to others as we may think, or simply so common in the experience of others, that there is actually nothing special about them. We often consider ourselves very special, and forget that all the others around us are just as human as we ourselves are.
- Try reality checks with others, and do not tell yourself that, "he/she is lying when saying that I am a nice person" - this is actually quite a negative attitude to people, as you assume they are lying...
- Practice compassion and loving-kindness to others, also if they do not immediately react positive.
- Analyse reality to discover that "life is not perfect, I am not perfect (yet), and neither are other people".
- Try hard to give up unrealistic expectations of needing to be perfect right now, then forgiving and having compassion for yourself becomes possible.
- Be realistic: I am just as much a human than others (equanimity), are they really that much better?
- Study and meditate on the Noble Truth of Suffering, realising that if you do not take any action, nothing will ever improve.
- To overcome frustration afterwards, try to act when negative situations can be changed, better to have no success than never having tried. What is there to loose, really?
- Meditate on your potential; unveiling your Buddha nature
- Meditate on purification; this may make your potential clear.
- Meditate on impermanence: everything changes, even my bad "I" will change for the better!
- Meditate on karma: the only way that things will get better is to do something positive.
- Meditate on emptiness; the ultimate antidote to all delusions.
- Try taking some precepts/vows to build your self-esteem, or simply any positive commitment to yourself which you are certain you will manage to keep.
- Dare to laugh at yourself and the world!

" Let me not pray to be sheltered from dangers,
but to be fearless in facing them.
Let me not beg for the stilling of my pain,
but for the heart to conquer it.
Let me not crave in anxious fear to be saved,
but for the patience to win my freedom." Shantideva

A few thoughts as examples of what you could reflect upon during a meditation session on self-confidence:

- If I cannot accept myself as being human, how can I ever accept and trust others? If I cannot accept and trust others, how can I respect and love them? If I cannot respect and love others, how can they respect and love me?
- Spirituality is going beyond our self and self-interested focussing, it requires courage, independence, faith in our own potential as a human being, even our potential to become a Buddha, and peace of mind. Note that these aspects all refer in some way to self-confidence and self acceptance.
- By falling over and getting up many times, children learn that walking is possible. In judo, falling many times teaches you to fall without pain; we cannot always avoid falling, but we can often learn to avoid the pain!
- Self-confidence comes from being challenged to one's limits, meeting them and then setting new limits.
- If I let the fear of making mistakes control my life, I could not do anything at all but lead a completely useless life, is that not something to be very afraid of?
- Perhaps the following prayer can be a powerful motivation as well as dedication for any (meditation) practice:

"May I become at all times, both now and forever
A protector for those without protection
A guide for those who have lost their way
A ship for those with oceans to cross
A bridge for those with rivers to cross
A sanctuary for those in danger
A lamp for those without light
A place of refuge for those who lack shelter
And a servant to all in need." His Holiness the 14th Dalai Lama