Loneliness, Relationships & Happiness

After many years contemplating "loneliness" I have come to realize that the feeling I label as "lonely" is the feeling that arises when I have abandoned myself. I know what to do to be happy. When I am not doing those things or even worse, doing things that I know will eventually lead me to suffering I have abandoned myself and thus I feel "lonely". So, when I feel "lonely" I ask myself, "What is undone in my life that I want done? Am I eating well, exercising, meditating? Is the house clean, laundry done and are the bills paid? Is my integrity intact throughout my life? Am I being the person I choose to be in life? Etc" Typically, when I focus on myself, be true to who I am and move toward what I want and love I feel "good" - I feel happy - which is the ultimate goal.



It's important to remember that our goal is not really to have a relationship - it's to be happy. We believe that having a relationship will make us happy. How many times has that been true? In reality, there are moments in relationships that feel really good and there are moments in relationships that don't - much like the rest of life. That deep sense of peace, joy and happiness must come from somewhere else. 

Of course there is a need for human affection. Affection is everywhere! There are people to give love and compassion to all around us. It is the act of giving love and compassion that makes us feel closest to our true nature and makes us the most happy. Happy is THE most beautiful thing on the planet. Everyone is attracted to happy. So, if you want to  be attractive and attract people into your life, do the things that make you happy - give love, compassion and kindness.

Ironically, as we become happier and happier and our desire for a relationship diminishes. After all the goal is to be happy and we are happy! Because we are no longer attempting to be happy via a relationship we can now make much clearer and healthier choices regarding a partner in life. We are much less likely to overlook obvious character flaws, lack of integrity and warning signs that tell us this may not be the right person for us. How many times have we stayed with people we knew were not right for us the whole time but chose to ignore the signs? As our happiness more and more comes from inside us, we become patient in allowing that healthy, wonderful person to manifest in our lives. We don't chase it. It is effortless. And, because we no longer abandon ourselves, we enjoy the process and feel happy with and without them.

Our happiness is now. We can be as happy as we think we'll be on our wedding day marrying the "perfect" person right now. When we stop abandoning ourselves, the happiness we've been seeking outside ourselves now bubbles up from inside. Soon we realize that the happiness we have been searching for has been there the whole time. We were just looking in the wrong place for it :) Today can be the happiest day of our lives! And, so can tomorrow - regardless of the circumstances.

~ Tom Notarianni Jr.


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